Justdanica - ((full))
At seventeen, she fell in love for the first time. His name was Elias, and he smelled like rain and old books. He saw her—really saw her—in a way that felt like being caught in headlights and held there. “You’re so quiet,” he said once, tracing the inside of her wrist. “But your hands speak.” For six months, she let herself believe that maybe cracks could be filled with gold, like kintsugi. That maybe broken things could become beautiful.
She cried for Leo. She cried for her father. She cried for the girl who erased her poems, for the woman who became a nurse because saving others was easier than saving herself. She cried for every night she had lain awake counting ceiling tiles, for every time she had chosen silence over the terrifying risk of being known.
It was a Tuesday, the kind of Tuesday that doesn’t announce itself. Her father had left a month ago, and her mother had stopped using real words, replacing them with hums and the occasional shatter of a coffee mug against the kitchen wall. Justdanica—named by a grandmother who believed in saints and strong women—sat on the linoleum floor, piecing together a ceramic plate that had once held toast. The pattern was blue flowers. She remembered the toast. justdanica
She doesn’t tell them the rest. That a morning star is not a star at all, but a planet—Venus—the one that shines brightest just before dawn, when the night is darkest. The one that refuses to go out.
And then, finally, she cried.
She doesn’t have to tell them. They can see it in her hands.
Justdanica wiped her face with the back of her hand. She started the car. She drove home. At seventeen, she fell in love for the first time
By fourteen, she had mastered the art of being two people. There was Justdanica in the classroom—straight A’s, hair brushed, hand raised—and there was the other one, the one who lay awake at 2 a.m. counting the ceiling tiles, wondering if a person could dissolve from loneliness while still breathing. She wrote poems in the margins of her notebooks, then erased them. She learned that silence is a language, too. And she became fluent.
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